Closet atheist needs atheist friends

Dear sir/madam

I don’t know who is going to read this but I really appreciate your time. Thank you.

I was reading about religion for a quite long time because I knew there is something wrong and the religion is not good enough for me or society. The Islamic teachings are so sacred in my country and the only way to let myself to get around this is to find the solution in different Islamic schools of thought. I started to read every book against whabisim and it seemed convincing that time. Little by little I gain the courage to criticise some Islamic teaching and the cycle grow bigger. I thought I’m losing faith so I went to the mosque much more often than usual. When I spoke my thought louder I lost some friends as I were asking for women rights in my country and I was criticising some profound beliefs in that country. Sorry I forgot to say I happened to be from Saudi Arabia.

Losing friends didn’t bother me much, two or three friends aren’t a big loss in the sake of right and gender equality. However, I continued reading and studying religion till the point I considered my self as an atheist but I was hanging in the religion by the last string “family”. By that time I came to the UK to study English language and to study masters in physics.

One day I came a cross the god delusion in charity shop and I bought it for a pound. Half way through the book I announced myself an atheist with a plan to hide this from everyone. No religion can convince me back I tried many religions but each religion is more stupid than the other. Physics and rationalism are my new religion if I could say so.

As I started studying my MSc degree it happened that I was thought by Jim Alkhalili. An atheist came from a Muslim country. That must was hard for him as I expect. The sad thing every one is judging me by skin colour and name every one assumes I’m a Muslim even my British classmates. I don’t blame them it’s rare to find an atheist named [deleted for privacy].

I’m very scared. I already lost a sister because she found about me. I’ll lose all my family soon or later and I’ll be looked at as bad person from every Muslim I know in my country. I’ll lose my job I’ll lose friends and I’ll be headed as the Quran say so.

I’m very terrified.

I have no one to speak to I just want to talk.

Good night

Kind regards
Moha